!Diaper Yeast Attack!

You know how they say be careful what you post online as one day your child might see it?…. yah, I’ll spare you pictures of my sons diaper yeast. I don’t want to be the reason he becomes ridiculed in school, but this thing was bad. It looked like moss, lil booty eating moss. I’m not sure if it hurt as he didn’t scratch too much. Incidentally, I learned the hard way that Magnesium was the worst thing to put on it. I mixed colloidal silver with magnesium and rubbed it on and he jumped and started scratching and kicking up his legs. Thank God his nails were cut or he’d tear a cheek off. It was a battle to get him to stop moving long enough for me to wipe the shit off, but eventually it passed. Poor child! The doctor had diagnosed it as diaper yeast and gave me a cream. It worked for a little bit, but then the diaper yeast was back. It was here bigger and spreading wider. I read online about Boudreaux butt paste and used it on him and holy! He got a rash on his poor pecker. I finally said ok, back to the doctor. Hubs told them it was getting worse and somehow the doctor convinced him it was getting better. Even though he lives with us, and we are the ones cleaning that butt every damn day! She prescribed Polysporin and I was pissed! That was used for healing cuts sooner than time would and this wasn’t a regular ‘ol diaper rash. We also couldn’t use it everyday and to me a day missed not working on this is a day it gets to either get better or worse. I needed it to get better only. I used it and it worked a little bit, the Canesten cream worked way better than it did.

After taking a step back and tracking a timeline from when this first became an issue, I realized it was going on for far too long. I wanted it gone and off my kids bum. The ever nurturing Google was my refuge. This time I looked up natural methods of getting rid of this thing. I would wash his butt with warm water with 2 drops of tea tree oil added, then smear yogurt on. This was so messy! This was working and even our daycare lady did it every now and then. We changed him often and gave him lots of breaks (lots of clean-ups) to help offer some relief. He unfortunately got an eczema outbreak from the Greek Yogurt we were adding to his bottle at nights and when we pulled it from his diet, we were left with a tub of the stuff to finish. *facepalm*. Our previous solution worked on the eczema, it’s just now we couldn’t tell which was which easily in order to contain the diaper yeast.  Nevertheless, I was on the charge and started applying the Greek Yogurt to his butt. I want to say within a week, I could actually see the yeast drying up. I read somewhere that when it started drying up I should not apply the yogurt anymore, as it was on the mend. Every now and then though I’d do this routine at nights, when he’s sleeping. Especially if he pooped in his sleep. Hubs mentioned that it might be something he eats that triggered it, but for the life of us we can’t put out finger on this one. He would poo and then bam! His entire butt is in rashes. Sigh! Kudos to the natural mommy goddesses that share their magic. I am eternally grateful to the wave of naturopathic educators on the internet….my baby’s butt thanks you! ….xoxo




When eczema attacks….pt. duex

img_20170208_194349132I bought this bottle of Magnesium to go with my natural deodorant journey. I haven’t had much uses for it (not much research done yet) but I did add it to my DIY deodorant mix.


on our way to wellness….

Anyhoo, tonight, as I was walking by my son’s room, I noticed the bottle on his bed. I picked it up and asked his Pop what he used it for. He mentioned that for the past 3 nights he’s been mixing it with the colloidal silver I bought for my son’s eczema and it’s been drying it up. I rubbed my son’s eczema spots and my gosh he was right!

They’re all almost gone. I asked how he knew to use it and he retorted ‘I read the bottle. It’s for dry skin!’. How simple was that? Immediately I got on top of my ‘Googles’ and he most definitely was right! Magnesium is a must for eczema!

1 point for the daddy-O! lol

Mind your mind, body and soul…

I like to write about the things no one tells you about when you’re about to enter ‘baby world’. Yesterday I had a conversation with my cousin and we spoke about dealing with family issues when you’ve just had a child and how you have to ‘mind’ yourself. It was so refreshing to hear this come from someone I didn’t quite expect.  I always thought my cousin was a bit weird, so to hear her speak about connecting to yourself and seeing about caring for IMG_20160520_152627615yourself and a child in the midst of contention between family; it really pleased me. I am not close to my mother and have not spoken to her in over 5 years. My cousin became the black sheep when she got pregnant out of wedlock because she had an extremely devoted religious mother. I purposely set that precedence because we can all connect with the characteristics of religious people. Now, having a child is a very traumatic experience and in some cases a tragedy. Having no one to lean on when going through this event will harden you for life. You will be scarred and left empty. You will be resentful and dubious about everything you’re doing with your life. I can tell you that all you need to do for the sake of that innocent child is to mind your mental, spiritual, emotional and physical health. Every second of your day should be given to your child and you. You will need to concede and decide that this is your time and nothing or no one deserves to plaster my child’s life with any negativity. I cannot begin to even explain how much help is needed when you become a parent. There are no words to describe the cluster fuck of emotions and moments that you will go through in a very short time and you cannot ever not deal. There are no vacations or days off, this is a 24 hour ongoing job that you must do yourself, completely. Every second that you IMG_20160523_123432321_HDR‘donate’ to dealing with bullshit in your life, is a second your child has lost. This is a very expensive charge and you cannot lose a dime or else you will miss out on so much with your child. You cannot give anyone not being positive and contributing to your life a single second. Entertaining drama, arguments and fights with someone who has nothing but discord in their heart for you is so toxic. Hold on to your mental health, free mind and clarity with a tight grip. I had my own squabbles with other members of my family when my son was born, absolutely no one came around. This was however my decision but it was not hers; we both had the same approach. This just goes to show that there is no other way. We became a solid rock of 3, no one else and we loved how close knit we are all growing to be. Plus, I could afford to never once make a fit about it because we knew our child was worth so much more. We were already so deadbeat, every time we had, had to be his. We became hermits; we became secluded and closed off and cold to some. People looking in never saw anything but a smiling happy baby. We taught our child happiness, joy, laughter and love before he was ever exposed to any kind of sadness. Some aren’t that lucky, and even entertain ideas that they made a mistake keeping and having their child. This is very easy to say and should be banished from all thought. A child is never a mistake, or an unfortunate event. Look at your child and promise them all of you, build a circle of positive ongoing support and eliminate all pressures. Do nothing more than savor, enjoy and revel as much as you can about being the best honest mother you can be. ‘Mind yourself’


ThisIMG_20160521_145759065 father’s day compelled me to write, even though it isn’t my day. I am so filled with love today. So enamored by the wonderful examples of fathers I keep around me and my family. There is so much fucking respect given to so many young men I know that are there, doing the most and just being overly obnoxious IMG-20150502-WA0003because they are just so damn proud of their kids. I learned a long time ago to let a man be a man, and when fatherhood became a part of our life ‘work’, I did step back and let my husband be a dad. There were many times my heart leaped in my throat and I wanted to blast him off to the nether regions, but I held my tongue and let him be. Well, my, how he has blossomed. He is a full-fledged hands on dad and I am so grateful for him. My son has taught him so much about being unselfish and patience and about the importance of time and spending it wisely that I marvel at the man I married even more.

There have been so many events,
invitations extended, plans made and opportunities to engage in treachery and every time, he chose his family. Often touting, if his son cannot be present he will not go anywhere! I have taken some of his free passes for myself when I needed a breather.

It felt so good to wake up beside both boys today and the face he made when I presented him with a home-made gift of our sons footprints and his scribbles, told me he was in love. The thought of being someone’s father comes easily, the action quite fool-proof but the reality and magnitude of the task, once acted on is definitely merits an applause.  I salute my husband today, and all the good fathers out there.

pic20150429080442I wish so many a Happy Father’s Day knowing personally their positions in their children’s lives. Knowing personally how great it would have been to have a father growing up. Knowing personally how much I’ve worked on myself to not come  in the way and to ensure that my son will know a fathers love. I have, sat by the window waiting for a man that never came, wanting so much to be accepted as a good child by my father. He has, been heartbroken and left confused, wondering why he was responsible for his own fathers shortfalls.  Yet, despite the past, here we are, thriving. I am so thrilled that my son will never wait for his own father to choose him and be there because he, without question, my husband lives for this beautiful light in our lives. Thank you, we love you. A very happy Father’s day to you ‘Am’!


Put the child on that TIT!


I recently completed research for an Ethics course and had selected the Nestle Infant Formula Scandal as my case. This is the brand of formula we use for my son and I had my own nightmares dealing with hospital staff regarding breastfeeding and formula. Still, as I read on, it boggled my mind how many people are so sure to blast the company for so much. Yes, their marketing and promotional tactics were wrong. Yes they deserve a lot of the beatings they are receiving. Yes, they were highly unethical in the way represented themselves to new mothers. Yes, they should not have done it and yes, they are a multi-billion dollar company and didn’t need to. Finally, yes, I know that infants died because of their actions. However they are the only ones being made an example, when there are other companies that were doing the same thing! Also, and to be fair, making bottles with unsterilized water and bottles is what made the infants get sick. No, I am not on their side. I am on the infants side!

Let me ask you this though, what did your parents, parents, parents, parents feed their children? Breastmilk, right? Why didn’t a lot of these mothers make this call for their infants? What was traditional was free.  Why didn’t doctors, health care officials and advocates stand up to Nestle shameless plugs. Why were they allowed to run rampant in IMG_20160423_094737763hospitals? Even that, you’ve just given birth and a sales representative is in your face touting formula. Where was the support from the healthcare officials, from family, you know those who have been there and done that. Where were the breastfeeding pushers and thumb raisers? In all my research advocate groups raised up after the fact. As much as they were told about formula, given samples and support for using the product, there could have been the same diligence made to ensure the need to breastfeed trumped the decision to use formula. I kept reading waiting to hear who stepped in first and there is limited information on who did. Why aren’t advocates given any praise for their work in breastfeeding? Who is advocating? This outcry started in the 70s with a request to boycott the company. Why did it need to hit the media for change to happen? Why wasn’t it that advocates challenging Nestle and overruled their dominance was what was reported? Who stood for these mothers and worked for them? We are being asked to stand against the company, but who stood for the babies?

There is one doctor in India who is celebrated because he did not give in to formula companies.  The outcry is because those affected by the effects of poor bottling were from developing countries. Now, who has more natural herbal remedies than developing countries?  I understand that some women who were malnourished themselves, those who had issues (it was reported that at least 1% of women cannot breast feed) and those who were caregivers needed formula. Now don’t get me wrong, formula is an amazing product, it saved our lives. The issue I am having is with those who couldn’t afford it that were using it when they could breastfeed. Why was formula an option for these infants? Breastfeeding is an emotional, personal choice, but it becomes second nature when your infant constantly gets ill and formula is to blame. I just don’t understand why wasn’t IMG-20160307-WA0010formula taboo in some of these cases/regions/countries wasn’t. In my own breast feeding struggles, a friend of mine constantly told me of a bush her grandmother said I could use but we couldn’t get the bush here. Women who lived off the land had resources, nature is our best medicine! I am just one example, but I imagine there were traditional medicines that could have assisted those who needed to breastfeed more.

Now, urbanization and the need to go back to work and leave your baby is a case I understand. I would have loved to hear or have read that women were doing both breast feeding and formula feeding their infants. I just find it hard to accept that these mothers didn’t give their children a chance and that they willingly gave up their natural rights. I have had my struggles with breastfeeding and infant formula, but I never once chose one over the other. I don’t understand, but who was there to tell those mothers ’You better put that child on the tit!’?  Maybe I’m crazy, but how can you feast on sugar then blame sugar companies when you get diabetes?


A FAIR version of this issue can be found here: http://www.nytimes.com/1981/12/06/magazine/the-controversy-over-infant-formula.html?pagewanted=all

The Have Nots…

I watched silently, intently as my friend cried. I did not move to offer her a piece of tissue to wipe her tears or speak up to quell her fears. She was almost half way there. Infant loss is indescribable, you cannot point to where it hurts and get it assessed and healed. Once she convinced herself that she spoke about it enough for that moment I imparted my well wishes. I felt so sour for her as women unfortunately, are left having to let others in on their demise. Replaying every bit and piece. Every. Single. Time. Being there as the emptiness weighs you down and gets dragged on with every breath you take.


A part of my list….

My experience was that it wasn’t confirmed. I had unexplained bleeding for a couple of months and they couldn’t diagnose it as a definite miscarriage. I felt shorted, incomplete and confused. I was given birth control to regulate my periods and completed ultrasounds that revealed huge cysts. I did not know how to feel. I did not want to say I felt
relieved as this was not a good time in our lives, but I also wanted what could have been my baby. I dived into research and wrote down every herb, rock, sand, incense, essence, crystal that would bring me some closure. I was going to experiment, then I lost my info, I thought ok forget it. I stumbled upon one of my post-its a couple weeks ago when I was moving and was almost brought to tears reminiscing about how broken and confused we were. How hard something we weren’t sure of, hurt so bad. One thing that came forward was that we never really spoke about it. We were newlyweds who weren’t sure what we were doing or even how to love each other. Communication was not one of our strong points.

I have listened and encouraged as a young wife vented to be about her conceiving process and the hand she was dealt. I held hands with a friend as she faced the untimely removal of the necessary plumbing. While I did not get as far as any of them did, I knew the hopelessness and fatigue. There is waning and exasperation that comes with wanting to bring a life into this world. I knew the yearning and all the things women tell themselves to make it ‘ok’, to buy some time and to make peace with having a marriage that isn’t what you want, just to ensure you don’t seem unreasonable. Added stress comes in the form of feelings of not being good enough. You think you’re holding your husband back from his true potential as a father. That it’s your fault why your parents don’t have grandchildren and your siblings won’t have nieces and nephews to spoil.edit

The yearning becomes so real, you promise so much for this young life, almost tasting the moment when you get to smell your baby’s sweet scent and rub their perfect skin. When things don’t happen or close encounters are lost without an explanation, you die a little bit inside every time and numbness replaces your loss. I want to say that if you ever have the opportunity to be a confidante during these time or for this issue, never stop being there for updates and check ins. Often times when women stop talking about being able to bear a child, its then that they have either completely given up on the idea or are in a really horrible place; mentally. Be the anchor they can always run to. Sometimes an avenue to explode is all that’s needed. I remember when family and friends kept asking me when they would be getting a baby to hug and to hold. I went from genuinely being sweet to being downright upset every time. I could not fathom the obliviousness, especially when I have expressed the need in the past. In couples, when it hasn’t happened; mind your business. When I change the subject every time, do you think you insisting on speaking on the issue is what I need in my life right then? It just hasn’t happened and you asking about it every time don’t make it easier. In fact, it creates haunting pangs and jolts that snap you back to reality. My reality.

Ode to My Unborn Child

This is flashback post written Sept. 20, 2012.

I love you and need you;
I can’t wait to be your guide,
To teach you all the things I have inside,
My soul is filled like a treasure box which i’ll clasp into your hands.

I’ll never let you forget what great parents you have.

Never let you doubt my presence at any presence,
Never let you regret my image or my guidance,
Never let you think we don’t love you,

Never let you wish you weren’t due.

I will carry you till the earth draws with my every step,


Your parents….circa 2012!

Papa and I will ensure you get all that you’re supposed to get,
Have you build self-empowerment and pride.
I’ll never let you think you’re the worst, even when you’re against the tide
I will try all in my power to appease the hurt brought to you,
Even in discipline or punishment, our love will shine through,

You will be strong and astute, humble, but firm with your views,

I will teach you about control, focus and the confidence I never had as a youth.

My emotions used to tear at the part of peoples lips,
With my inner strength I eventually learned to rise above this,

My unborn child I need you, can’t wait to meet you,

I hope you get papa’s heart and my kindness.

Papa’s personality and my humbleness,

We promise to try to be our best selves,

To listen and nurture and support your individual self,
And if ever you see me failing as your mother,
Please hold my hand and show me just what bothers.

I will never ignore your cries for help or understanding,

We promise you a life filled with wonderful things!