Gratitude….

I can’t count how many times I’ve cried since I’ve become a mother. It has to be an enormous gigantic number of times though.  Nonetheless, today I shed tears for the end of a chapter. A safe chapter. A chapter that never once made me fear for my sons’ life or the unknown. Especially after my cousins’ son almost lost a thumb at his daycare! My son is out of daycare and is going to school full-time. We are so grateful for the school community that’s been going well so far but we still brace for the impact of what might occur. With this came the need to stop sending my son to daycare, an uber safe space we all enjoyed for the past 3 years. Safe people and spaces are extremely uncommon when it comes to children. The most seemingly harmless of souls will disappoint you. My sons care has primarily been just his parents, no grandparents or relatives played a major role in care, mainly due to distance. Our daycare coordinator was phenomenal though. We all genuinely love her and have been so grateful for how well she took care of our son. She really became a grandmother to him and would guide us with a light touch. When we had emergencies, we called her first and she would always say ‘bring him come’. People complain so much about the cost of daycare without perspective. Fuck the money. None of it met her value. Especially when I had to dart to work, school or to handle family issues and she made herself available. When he was hospitalized one Christmas our first stop when we left the hospital was at her home so that she could see him. When my ‘naturalista’ mommy ways consumed me she went along with every extreme request and never once complained. Every time he was sick he was loved on more and was fed home made soup and given lots of tea.

She always checked in on me and Tam and sent us pics and vids of him throughout the day. She quelled our busy minds without us even asking. Always pleasant and ready to take him, no matter how late the request. A part of me screams at how unfair it is that she can’t live with us or be around all the time. Or just be his teacher. Or adopt him and we visit. Or just go to school with him everyday. Crazy, I know. You just can’t forge a bond like that. It was a wicked click of worlds that held together in raising a sweet lil boy. He dotes on her and her entire family. As a new parent with limited span and a small circle, most of whom live far away, she was our source. She was pivotal in jump starting and getting through stages from eating solids to language development to manners to potty training. I feel so tremendously blessed that we escaped common daycare complaints and had such a beautiful, safe, nurturing support. Whenever we were unsure she was there to say lets try xyz. Which was her way of knowing what baby needed and just doing it and fixing things. I read the other day that most parents know what they’re doing; maybe but this would be excluding us. So we are extremely washed with sadness but so grateful and happy she was in his life during the crucial years. Angels are on earth, and when you encounter them you will know. The innocence and nurturing of your child is not a game and when someone respects and understand that its so amazing.

 

 

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