Tonight was a very emotional night in our home. I noticed after my son was sick in February that he no longer swallowed his food easily and his eating changed significantly. We started planning to wean him from the bottle and so eating solids needed to be an all-time thing. Tonight proved we may just be in for the delay of our life. I gave my son a spoonful of beans and chicken against his wishes and asked him to ‘eat up’. He paused, and with his mouth closed tears started falling down his face. I began watching him and he managed to say ‘love you’ while trying to hold the food in his mouth. It broke me down and of course I scooped him up. I didn’t let him spit it out as I wanted to really see what would happen. Especially since this was the first time I was forcing him to eat. It hurt me so much that he used ‘love you’ in that way; as if he’s apologizing for whatever he did that put him here. I held him for a while and coaxed him to chew and swallow. He just cried and cried. It was in such a mature way, I felt so guilty. He would say ‘ok’ and hold his eyes trying to not let the tears fall. I encouraged him every step of the way but it wasn’t working. For some reason, every time he swallowed I gave him another spoonful. On the third spoonful, I decided to not give him any more as I could feel his stomach quiver when he saw me loading up the spoon. I have never seen him so….broken and sorry. Even though he didn’t do anything wrong. He’s not quite 2 yet but he was so emotional about eating. It was as if he really couldn’t help it. I felt like such a bad mom. I didn’t cry in front of him but I lost it when I thought back to how long this has been going on. I felt so guilty for not being around more for him. He used to be home all day 4 days out of the week and we used to be together all day for 2 and now his one on one time has been cut way down. He now attends daycare full-time as I changed jobs and the weekends are split with daddy and me. I can’t help but feel like if I was around more, then he would be eating home meals more. I woke his father up and he comforted him. I managed to record him whenever I told him to chew and noticed he wasn’t using his teeth but was just moving the food around. His father let him spit out what was in his mouth and he ate a lil banana after awhile. Turned out he hadn’t swallowed any of what he was fed. I couldn’t just sit around. I grabbed my handbag and went to the supermarket. I got Pediasure, multivitamins, pouch purees, All Bran, Fibre 1 and a rusk he became fond of during our stay in Cuba. When I got in 1 gave him a teaspoon of cod liver oil. This weekend we will be taking him to take a look at those tonsils; just to be sure. I never thought we would be going through an eating war as he used to eat EVERYTHING! Sigh. Guess things can’t go smoothly for too long!