Estranged….

I recently had an ordeal that left me a bit confused at the nerve of some people. My mother accidentally met my son for the first time in his entire life last week. My son is about to be 2yrs old. While it was brief (thank God), she managed to get my husband to agree to meeting up so that he could collect gifts her side of the family had for our son. The meeting went down and I carefully donated all gifts to the Make-A-Wish donation. I could have just thrown them away. What struck a chord with me is the fact that she labelled the gift bag as being from ‘Nana’ and put ‘Grandpa’ before her husband’s name. My uncle had let me know that he had left things there for my son but they didn’t even have the common decency to add his name.  I was grateful for the fact that my son is young and couldn’t attach himself to the thought of who these people he met randomly at a clinic is to him. I was so annoyed, because I grew up attached to someone with a title that refused to have a hand in raising me. As neither my husband or I have a relationship with the gift givers, their audacity boggled my mind. It reminded me very much about people who boosts about relationships that don’t exist, ie. delinquent fathers and their estranged children. Where do people get the nerve to cast themselves in positions that clearly was never bestowed on them? Positions that they clearly have contributed zero effort towards. Further calling themselves monikers that are used so affectionately by people worldwide. I felt a bit of embarrassment for them, because we all know they are anything but. I was even more annoyed knowing this was something which would be bragged about from their end. I wish people would be more honest with themselves and not be so hung up on an image. As basic as it sounds, you are by no means grandparents to my child; you’re merely related. I strongly believe in titles and how we represent ourselves to a child. This is generally how trust develops and primarily why I was most annoyed. We all teach our children about strangers and counter that family and friends are people we can trust, who are ‘safe’. There was no way I could attach these titles to people that aren’t in my sons life. Furthermore, you don’t get to call yourself such names and treat him any old way. Further confusing him and leaving him open to so many questions. Children have a very odd way of feeling emptiness and asking about people that should be around that aren’t. Especially when they see these relationships around them. Their love is very pure, and based on your relation to them, they will either love you or not. I’m definitely not ready to introduce my child to what a broken relationship is. I’ve seen the effects and will kindly bow out of that mountain. As a stretch, as his parent, our permission to associate with my child a certain way should be given prior. Especially when it comes to people who have problem filling children with fallacies about all manner of things. Trust that there is a special kind of hell for people who try to control and turn a child’s mind. I don’t believe assuming a role that isn’t yours is healthy, for anyone involved. When my son met his paternal grandfather he was introduced to him as his name and said who he is. He was called by his name because in his life there hasn’t been that relationship. I believe in calling a spade a spade when it comes to letting people in. I refuse to teach my child it is ok to hold on to mediocre relationships. I simply refuse to teach him to be a doormat for someone just because of their title. Most importantly, that not everyone related to you deserves to be loved by you. *deep sigh*

It’s a disservice to think your children aren’t already living and building relationships with people. Trust that only the best people should be allowed to grace their presence; they don’t need early encounters with the cold world…

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