Plea 3: Make a double income work: Looking back, we could have changed so many things and saved a whole lot more. Making 1 income work for both of us would have been amazing. We could have probably started saving one pay check each a month within a year of moving on our own. We didn’t see things this way, and though we might have mentioned it, it never got put into action. Make a double income work by pooling your income. Build a level of trust between yourself and your partner, choose a hard core saving plan with great interest and bank your dollars! Physically watch your money move across debts, bills and savings and tell me that you won’t be relieved at how much lighter the future looks. We saved well in some sense, just not together. We each saved in 3 different ways, separately and continued to not know the actual figure of our savings.
Plea 4: Delay those babies: I know of a newlywed that is planning to expand their family very soon. They got married 2 months ago! I cringed at the thought and couldn’t hold my tongue. I said point blank ‘don’t do it’. Please give yourself 3-5 years married together before having children. Pregnancy and becoming parents is not what any one believes either to be. Spend your time together for a while. Develop routines in your life, have copious amounts of sex everywhere, move at least twice, work on your education, set up your career and a side hustle that makes you money that you also enjoy. Live on the edge. Fight. Have huge disgusting fights (non-physical of course). Oh God! Travel!! Backpack somewhere. Visit family on the other side of the world. Make attempts at small businesses. Fail. Get up again together. Build some sort of a back bone before throwing babies into the mix. For heaven’s sake, get rid of your parents’ strong hand in your life. Become fully independent. Do stupid shit. Invest wisely and make good financial decisions. Experiment together. Did I say travel already? TRAVEL! Cheap trips, excursions and questionable places. Nail down a signature dish that you could both eat ALL the time! Dive deep into a hobby. Apologize to people you have hurt in life and end squabbles. Man up. Woman up. Get cracking on your bucket list. Just do a lot of somethings before you even decide to become parents! Please don’t get the wrong impression, we love our son to death. We worked very hard for him. The honest fact is that introducing kids prematurely can be maddening. There is just so much you lose when you become parents. So much that you are not allowed to be mad about when you decide (yes, decide) to be responsible for another human being. By this I’m talking life and the cost of it once kids come into the mix. Also, I’m not just talking about money. How about your sanity, time, social life, body, health and relationship. You need a tight grip on past experiences, maturity and war stripes gained together to get you through the tough times. This isn’t a scare tactic it’s the absolute truth.
Plea 5: Fall in love with yourself: Over and over again. Find yourself. Marriage will make you create this veil that you THINK you will need to maintain. It is half manipulation and half compromise, some cases more than half. You somehow always look well done up, you carry on these facades with family members, you bare a face of so much hope when things are not great or when you need help. You somehow convince yourself that you can and will be all your spouse/partner needs and get burnt out. Don’t. Love yourself. Know what you like, say no when you genuinely don’t like something. Decline invitations that were usually accepted ‘to save face’. Become apologetic. Eliminate and categorize friendships, some you have grown away from but are still dear to your heart. Work on always becoming a better you, even if it’s just baby steps. A oneness with your true self can only improve marriages that are meant to prosper. Sit in that and thrive together.