My family has been working on their relationship with each other for quite some time. It has been endearing and a bit nauseating at times. However, the creation of a family WhatsApp group has really being sealing the seams. It just cannot settle with me and I don’t know why. Also, I’m a tad bit annoyed by those feelings. See, there are over 70 people in this one side of my family, stemming from 13 children; so the size is a problem when it comes to being close. I just can’t help my fears though. I don’t want to be invested in a relationship that may falter and just fade into evanescence. I am struggling with this because whenever we end up together, it is a barrel full of laughs and I love to laugh. It is usually very fun and a great deal of time is spent feeding the ego of the older generations that can’t seem to come to grips with their age. Just thinking about our ‘jazz’ is making me crack up inside. Yet here I am, lulled by the expiry that is to come for this joy. Saddened at the limit they take on their own awakenings, awakenings that can do nothing more than better themselves. To make them more welcoming and a pleasure to be around. Perturbed at the fact that maybe my time is being wasted but definitely grateful to this time.