Eventually my husband made his way into the washroom where we argued through tears. He was very successful in quelling my delirium and managed to convince me to shower and take a Benadryl for the hives, then take a nap. We had a worse scare when the Benadryl had the worse effect on me physically and mentally. My stretch marks were raised and black, I got a hard stomach and I was passing the most painful clots ever. In addition, I was hardly saying anything that made sense, neither of us could understand what I kept saying whenever I opened my mouth and we could do nothing but let it pass. This was a very scary moment for us and the Telehealth nurse said Benadryl wouldn’t do that to me but somehow I beg to differ as coupled with the day I had, it may have.
Another battle was having so many people in my space. By nature I am a hermit, I stay inside, hardly have visitors over and whenever we do go out, it’s with the same people all the time. I was known to not care much for people and their opinions. Still, I understand newborns do things to people and that they will want to be around the baby, I just could not handle the volume that people that wanted to visit; their words and their demands. So we decided to have just a handful of visitors which offended others, but they couldn’t be my priority. Everything people said about me or my child affected me. The most incessant comments about who my child looked like to people asking about and making jokes about my estranged mother and passing on their advice about our relationship just rocked me to the core. I found none of it funny and was literally very upset at how people were handling themselves when it came to wanting to visit to asking a million questions about my labor and delivery or baby. Every time I saw that I had to reply to a message, text or email or take another phone call I died a little bit inside. I lashed out on social media when my estranged grandmother sent my aunt to message my husband for my number. I just had enough of people and their selfishness during this time and my hubby had enough of me being miserable. I just thought they wanted to insert themselves in my life too much and too fast and though I tried to remain respectful there were so many days when it felt like the world was closing in, squeezing my head. Eventually I learned to lean on my husband again and let most of the calls/texts/messages go through him. The visits I ensured I had the final say so that I could ensure myself and baby was in a good place. This was a weight lifted off my shoulders and eventually I got back to a place where people’s comments once again meant absolutely nothing to me.
Post-partum depression has many faces and I don’t believe anyone can claim to be worse than the other because you never know what you can do to yourself or your baby whether over a long period of time or a short period of time. Recognizing the signs and seeking ways to deal is utmost important and addressing the issues will be one of the most important things you can do for you and your family. Be honest, direct and get help.