I saw a comment on a picture posted on a popular Instagram account and it said “You got a body only a baby daddy could love” and it brought me back to my own ordeals. The gag is that this woman wasn’t asking to be loved, she already had that and more. People just always have to project the world as they see it on you; no matter how ignorant. It is as if they believe you need them and THEIR standards.
This is a flashback post written June 22, 2014….
At two weeks after I had my child, someone asked me why do I still look pregnant. Precisely, ‘why do I look like I still have a baby in my belly’. I said wtf and moved on. This was a man, who had limited social graces and was known for being inappropriate. At 8 weeks post-partum, I had a mother tell me I needed to visit the things that made people lose weight. To this I replied that she should back all the way up as I just had a kid and not to comment about my body especially when she isn’t a size 2. I told her that she is rude and whether or not I want a summer body is my business and I’ll get it on my time when I’m ready, I further said that as a mother she was disgusting and that she should respect my journey. I further stated, that not that I owed her an explanation but that I am not cleared to work out/go to the gym and when I am, I will still be going when I’m ready, not when it’s pleasing to her eyes. So maybe next time she should think twice before making a comment like that.
I kind of feel like my response (this was on Instagram!) was a bit harsh and I maybe should have taken the high road BUT I felt so embarrassed because my husband is the one that brought my attention to the comment (I would have just deleted it if I saw it first but I felt the need to defend myself)! I haven’t even had my pp checkup yet (this week), but I already had my insecurities with my new body! I won’t apologize for having a child and I really really wanted to punch her in the face ;-( She ruined my entire night after an amazing Father’s Day;-( I’m not mentally prepared for these comments which is why i wasn’t posting my body much but today I was in good spirits and was now so upset I had that feeling snatched away from me!! I feel ashamed to discuss it with my hubby as I don’t want the ‘don’t want to make you cry so I’ll just be diplomatic’ answer, especially since I have turned into a major ‘cryer’ for real! However, I felt so drained. I was just getting the hang of having to take care of an infant and wanted just a little credit for just keeping the kid alive.
This is the drawback to sharing your pictures on social media. People think your life is now fair game for them to say whatever is on their mind, not realizing how much they are showing themselves up. All my followers will see your comments and every one that looks at and shares whatever I post. You don’t want to be the ‘nasty’ troll. You don’t want to be left bare, showing just how disgusting a person you are. Filter yourself and if it isn’t constructive; leave it alone.
Personally, I have been having a hard time with how much people have inserted themselves in my life and just how much their words have an effect on me. I would usually be the one to take the high road or laugh an uncomfortable comment off, but I have completely lost it. We have been doing it all on our own, with a minimum amount of visitors and keeping our circle uber small; so things can get trying and judgement is definitely not what we need. In a time like this where there is so much to do, learn, get used to and accept as things change constantly; thinking about my weight was not very high on the list. It, however, was always in the back of my mind, naturally I watched for strange faces when my husband looked at my body and I ask obscure questions about my ‘new look’ to see where his head space was and if I was still acceptable. My hands were tied with how much I could do for myself at 2 months post- partum, but I never beat myself up about it, even though it hung in the balance. Yes, I know I did something amazing by bringing a life into this world but being embarrassed for that is not to be tolerated.