Sometimes my hubby gets it right and another time he is so far from where he should be its scary. During these moments, it’s so hard to not shut down and become a recluse. Yet I do, because I am always in awe of how hard I try to consider other peoples feeling. I refuse to react and do or say things I am not able to take back. I am just always tempted to just slap his face off for good just one time. At times I just don’t get it. Empathy is thrown out the window, self-awareness is no longer a factor and it is as if there’s not one bit of respect for anyone else there. It becomes a really confusing time and trying to accept things as I see them versus how he does, serves to be very exhausting.
There is always the repeated ‘I don’t get it’ or ‘I just didn’t think that was important’. It really makes you think, when did we get here and at why wasn’t it cleared? ‘cOmMuNiCaTiOn’. We both fail at it and it hurts more than it helps to hold on to each hit on the head. However, as relationships get deeper and progress, you wonder -A, why is certain things still a problem and –B, is it just a matter of keeping things moving? I will work on the latter for my own sake. I have took it upon myself to try this ‘let it go as it happens’ routine. I always hold on to things and be mad and worse, allow them to cause me to be less attached. I will be trying now to not let things bother me as deeply and to simply accept things as they are. My spouse has his own work to do, but I can only be accountable for me. It’s definitely age and wisdom that’s bringing me here, but also being convinced that some things just will never change.