Aside

Marriage 101: Part 1.5 of 2

This is a flashback post written on September 20, 2012…

5 things we did PERFECTLY in our first 2 years of marriage?

-Not have children: This turned out to be a blessing and a curse, however we are where we need to be! In addition, they say the first year of anything is the hardest, for us, it was the first year and six months after.  We honestly could not imagine having a child during this time. Just thinking about the pressure makes me sweat! We have enjoyed our time together and have experienced wonderful and horrible things; we have also been exposed to environment/things NOT fitting for children.

-Formed a great bond: Immense love is a huge part of what makes us work. Living with someone is very different from dating/courting, characters get strained and ugliness within rears its head, our relationship has been challenged but our love conquered it all! ( Cheesy right? Oh but its soooo tru!)

– Worked through deep seated personal issues: While I believe mental health is very important, I believe in its effects and checking on its status.  We all have things we are battling, we also have things we’re fighting or that’s re-occurring that we won’t be so quick to or own up to or agree on. They are there and they need and deserve your attention. Once you have a trust worthy spouse, open up to change. If there is something you’re constantly being accused of, make a conscious effort to stop it. Don’t be afraid to work through your difficulties, no one is perfect and faults are nothing to be ashamed of.  If you are dating a spouse with a serious troubling problem and you can’t address it; seek help immediately.  If your relationship is toxic and your spouse isn’t accepting help; cut your losses and move on. You can love someone from a distance. Mental, verbal and physical abuse is no longer something to be ashamed of, neither is it something that people have patience with anymore. You will risk losing loved ones and close friends, if you stay in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere. We’ve cried together and held each other’s hands through difficult situations and the only thing it did was made us respect each other more!

-Became open to working with each other’s likes and dislikes: Adapt, not change, is very important in a marriage. This means that you’re not sacrificing your own happiness but simply accepting and understanding why our spouses do the things they do.

-Completely eliminated outside influences:  We are hermits to the point where it is offensive and we will never apologize for that! Downs and Ups, through trials and celebrations, in SICKNESS and in HEALTH, we remained poker face to the public! Don’t be mistaken, when we did need help, we sought it, we agreed on a few people we would call on and they have never failed.

-Learned patience: I believe I can now sit through a thousand nails being hammered into my face and not even flinch!  And that is all I will say about that!….key takeaway here? Be patient and speak softly and calmly with the most suitable words possible! If you believe when you speak you will inflict hurt and later regret this, hold your tongue. Take a breather and try again. Explaining yourself to gain understanding is far greater than explaining yourself to gain forgiveness.

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