This is a flashback post that was written November 18th, 2013.
Marriage and loneliness is common; but not acceptable. You married for a companion that will walk with you through all the curves and turns of life. Loneliness is the result at the failed attempt to connect with a partner that is not compromising. Loneliness is not acceptable. We have heard, ‘I’m always here’ but don’t feel emotionally connected there. All bills are paid, appearances are maintained and there isn’t a single hint of going through disaster in your marriage; but yet your soul is in torment.
A companion is very important and the most key thing about gaining and keeping one is being tolerant and open. Listen and pay attention to what you are doing, what you aren’t doing. Women want you to read their minds; make an attempt, we were wired this way. Be tolerant and speak respectfully; apologize. Insignificant spats are small jabs that wear away the heart as the more frustration and feeling defeated builds; the more distance develops.
Be compassionate in a marriage. Look directly at your lover and flirt shamelessly. She is yours to do what you will but only if she can stand you. A woman who is dedicated to a man would never leave. She however will feel beaten by frustration and attempts to just be happy with her spouse. Hold her hand and trust her, she will always look out for your best interest before hers.
Concentrate. Be so invested in loving her and showing her love through every moment that you aren’t able to bring yourself to a place filled with wrath or a need to attack. Women always need to build themselves up in order to make it through the day, as other women are their harshest critics and one snide glance will shatter their self-esteem. They are needy creatures and you will need to shower them with affection. When the world spits on them, be their clutch.
The cost to have a great marriage is free. Things that whither or ends or even moments, won’t stop her from leaving you mentally, emotionally or spiritually. It’s connecting to her heart that will. Promises and words are your worst enemies and there is nothing worst that having hope unfulfilled. Actions alone will keep her open to you. Those glances, those forehead kisses, that random hand hold, that light touch just because, those warm hugs from those big strong hands and that big belly busting laughter from silly conversations.
Help her: put her shoes on, brush her hair, button that top, zipping those boots and by taking over getting her undressed. Free. The blushes and flushed redness that automates every time she sees you; a win. A wife for life.
Don’t become a roommate. Be the man of the house. Take charge, create order, protect her and have her feel safe. Safe from things falling on her from the shelf she can’t reach, cutting her hand from fighting with that can, falling over bags being lugged from the store and the darkness at times when she feels most vulnerable.
Believing in yourself is important, yes! Trusting what she believes you are is even more important. Listen to how she sees you and accept it, love her for loving you despite all you have been or is. She married you because you were good enough and met her standards; don’t ever let her question that decision and when she speaks about her feelings for you; thank her. She does not have to love you, 4 kids, a mortgage, a couple of cars, investments, stocks, bonds, homes, famous friends, exotic vacations, making enough so that she doesn’t have to overwork, even your mother can’t stop her from detaching her love.
Your wife will always go without in order for you to have. Don’t berate her for her choices, converse. Speak softly, speak openly and be kind….